Among Pine Trees
by vienne la nuit
Summary: One of them slowly suffocates on her scorching guilt that leaves nothing else behind but self-hatred and ashes. The other drowns in her hatred till even her blood becomes liquid anger. Now she can't do anything else but scream from behind her shattered pride. They both have survived, but neither of them knows how to begin to live again.


full summary:  
One of them slowly suffocates on her scorching guilt that leaves nothing else behind but self-hatred and ashes. At least now her inside matches her forever burnt appearance, no more masks, no more manipulations, everyone can see just who she is. The other drowns in her hatred till even her blood becomes liquid anger. Now she can't do anything else but scream from behind her shattered pride, so she doesn't have to listen to the haunting voices of the past.  
They both have survived, but neither of them knows how to begin to live again.

A.N.:  
Yes, I couldn't resist either. There is just too much potential in this pairing. And sadly, right now I am at a place in my life that these two women speak to me the most, so it was just a matter of time when I begin to write about them.  
This is going to be canon up until about the last few pages of Mockingjay, however the story begins before the books, and will contain a few chapters dealing with either Johanna's or Katniss's backstory, or important memories. I also plan to write about Johanna's first Games, but it will be just a chapter long, since the main focus will be their developing relationship. Usual disclaimers apply. Edited by yours truly. Enjoy.

**Among Pine Trees**

**Chapter One: Two Firs**

Six year old Johanna doesn't understand, what is happening around her.  
Today is the day, when a too colourful woman from the Capitol arrives, her hair and dresses are always unlike any wild flowers that Johanna has ever seen.  
The little girl doesn't quite know if she fears these unnatural colours more or the two bowls filled with names that the woman brings along every time.

She is too young to understand that no one fears the woman herself or the inanimate objects surrounding her, but everything she represents. She is too young to understand that the teary eyes around her are not caused by extremely vibrant colours. She is too young to understand that the bowls not only mean immense pain for some, but also immense relief for others - until the next reaping, that is. She is too young to understand that she is trembling because she picked up on the angst and fear of the crowd around her.  
She just knows that she wants to cry.  
But Johanna remembers that tears are weakness and you are not supposed to let them fall around too vibrantly clothed people or around soldiers only wearing white.

So she tightens her arms around her mother's shoulders and presses her face close to her neck. She breaths her mother's calm scent in a few times, until she feels she isn't trembling anymore, or rather less. Then Johanna glances at her oldest brother, William. This is the first time ever that he stands next to their parents, at this part of the square. Her other brother, Leander is still standing up front with children, who are already going to school, and who refuse most of the time to play with Johanna if she asks them.

"His name won't be drawn." She hears her father's deep, calming voice. She feels that he steps nearer to her mother, embracing her waist.

"He is right, mother." William touches his mother briefly on her cheek, and Johanna feels her taking a deep breath.  
"He is fourteen." William continues. "It won't be him mother." Here he tries to smile reassuringly at his mother, but even Johanna notices that something isn't right. William reaches out, grabs Johanna gently around her waist, slowly pulling her away from their mother. As soon as he has enough space, he throws her playfully in the air, just to catch the giggling girl in the next moment, and hold the enthusiastic six year old against his chest.  
Johanna always feels safe with him.

"Even little bug here knows that Lean is going to be home with us tonight. Isn't that right bug?" He asks Johanna, while he is gently poking her side to prompt an answer.  
The little girl takes a deep breath, feeling the serious atmosphere, looks over their parents and nods once as earnestly as she can manage.  
Their mother looks at them with a watery smile, giving first Johanna then William a kiss on their cheeks. She quietly murmurs:

"I am so glad that at least you can't be reaped anymore."

Johanna remembers that William got a small loaf of bread with a one and a nine drawn on it not long ago. She recalls this vividly because somehow that day her whole family was either laughing or crying, and someone was embracing William almost all the time. She asked her mother why is his 19th birthday so different than the others so far, she remembers her answer: the Capitol won't take William from them anymore.

William stares at their mother wordlessly. She just sighs and touches his arm lightly. Johanna doesn't understand why suddenly her brother's eyes seem redder, why he has gone paler, or why he suddenly hugs her tighter against him.

"She too is going to be alright, it isn't going to be her, son."

At first Johanna is confused, whom they are talking about, but then she remembers Mirijam, William's friend.  
She likes her very much, because whenever Mirijam is spending time with them, her naturally cheerful brother seems to smile more, and Mirijam always takes time to play with Johanna too.

William takes a deep breath and shakily says:

"Just this year and the next one. That's all she has left then she won't be bothered anymore." Their parents don't comment on his thoughts.

Suddenly the speakers begin to blast Panem's anthem, the majestic but frightening sound makes everyone in District 7 flinch, apart from the peacekeepers and the consort.

An unpleasant voice thunders through the square, the too brightly clothed lady's. Johanna instinctively picks up on the tension around her and begins to tremble once more.

"Shh, little bug. Remember the rule about peacekeepers and the citizens of the Capitol." William whispers in her ear.

"Never show weakness in front of people, who are either in white with shiny boots, black weapons, or wear too many colours." Johanna mumbles to William's neck. The young man in turn just smiles down lovingly at the child, he is always amazed, how his sister's mind works, how she translates herself things that she is to fully understand yet.

He feels the small girl nodding for herself for a few times, and he just knows Johanna is repeating this rule over and over again. William begins to caress her back trying to calm her down. Johanna takes a deep breath and she relaxes against his chest.

"That's it little sister. I am proud of you. Because you are so brave and strong, never forget that little one."

Johanna doesn't hear the tremor in his voice but their parents do, both of them step closer to William as the consort takes a paper out of the first bowl.

"...and the female tribute from District 7 to the 60th annual Hunger Games is..."

The overly cheerful voice practically screeches, as everyone seems to hold back their breath while she unfolds that faithful piece of paper.

"...Mirijam Wais."

For a moment Johanna's whole family seems to freeze, until William's breaths become laboured and he chokes out a whispered, disbelieving "no". He hugs Johanna tighter against him, almost as if he were trying to anchor himself, almost as if the small body were his sole reason for not doing anything rash.  
As they all watch a tall, dazed brunette gracelessly stumbles up to the podium.

"No." William rasps out. "It can't be her." He doesn't even notice that he is openly crying. By now both of his parents placed their hands on his shoulders solemnly looking at him.

Johanna is frightened like she has never been before. She is afraid for Mirijam, and she is afraid for her brother. Right now everything seems to frighten her. She has never seen William cry. She has no idea what to do. She just knows she has to be strong for him. So she shifts and embraces his head, covering him from this cruel world as much as her small body allows. She doesn't say a word as William begins to sob.

Almost as if the reality wouldn't have been shattered beyond belief mere moments ago, the screeching voice, rich with anticipation pierces through the pine sentenced heavy afternoon air once again.

Johanna doesn't know the name, nor the boy, it's just not Leander, that's all that counts by now.  
The consort hasn't even left the podium, depressed former victors and terrified new tributes in tow when Leander suddenly runs to them, showing everyone out of his way, earning a heavy slap across his cheek from one of the peacekeepers. He doesn't falter though, he brushes it off, his eyes staring straight ahead at his family.  
As soon as he reaches them, he takes Johanna from William's hands, nods at their parents and in a collected voice says:

"We send her our love, and tell her that we await her back." At his words William tries to gather himself somewhat, he remembers that right now he has to be the strong one, because Mirijam is counting on him. He nods at his brother and immediately begins to make his way through the chaos towards the Justice building.

"I have got her. Go with him." Leander says to his parents, as he lifts Johanna up, sitting her on his hip, his arms going around her protectively. Their unusually pale parents kiss both of their younger children then they hurry after William.

Leander hugs Johanna tighter against him as he begins to walk towards their house, not paying any attention to, whom he might shove accidently in the crowd. He looks down at his sister, and to his utter amazement the little girl isn't crying, nor showing any signs of feelings, apart from her lips being pressed in a hard line.

As soon as they get nearer to the forest, leaving most of the buildings and streets behind, Leander puts Johanna down, taking one of her hands. They continue to walk in silence.  
When they reach their front door, Leander squats down, looking into Johanna's eyes. He can't help Mirijam anymore, but he will always take care of his little sister, and right now, her silence worries him.

His eyes roam over her, taking her hard pressed lips and her trembling left fist into account. He lightly puts his hands on her shoulders as he looks into her brown eyes.

"Bug? Do you know what today means?"

His words prompt seemingly the first reaction from her: to his surprise her eyes become alight with as much anger as a child of her age is capable of.

"They took her. The Capitol took Mirijam, and she is never going to come back."

Leander swallows his tears, and tries to voice something that even he doesn't really believe.

"She could come back Johanna. She still could come back, we have to believe this. We have to hold on to our hope."

"No she won't!" The little girl steps back angrily, out of his reach. "She is too nice!" She shouts with all her might. "She is the nicest person I know." At her last, whispered sentence they both begin to cry silently. "Why would they do this to her Lean? Why would the Capitol take her away? Why do they have to keep on hurting everyone? Why?! They are... they are big mean monsters and I hate them!" She shouts once again.

Leander is suddenly extremely glad that they practically live in the forest and no one could hear them. He reaches out immediately and wraps his arms around the by now sobbing little girl. He doesn't say anything, nothing is going to be alright or fine, and he respects his baby sister enough not to lie to her, no matter how young she is.  
So he just holds her and rocks her back and fort, while she keeps on mumbling about Mirijam's niceness between sobs. When he feels her calming down slightly, and beginning to breath normally, he pulls away a bit, and brushes her remaining tears away. For a long moment he just stares into wide brown eyes, coloured with sadness and anger, but also with immense trust.  
This trust directed at him prompts him to make perhaps the most important decision of his young life. But first he has to clear something up.

"Hanna? Do you remember the second rule?"

Her eyes become immediately even wider, her cheeks reddening just slightly and Johanna looks down to the tip of her shoes shamefully. Leander knows that the little girl remembers, but he also knows that she has to hear this. Again.

"Refresh my memory, bug."

Johanna mumbles something incoherent.

"What was that?"

"Don't say out loud what you think of the soldiers in white, the people wearing too many colours, or the Capitol itself, except it is something nice."

Leander ruffles her unkempt hair. He opens his mouth to say something, when he notices the mischievous glint in the little girl's eyes, already dreading his sister's newest scheme. With a small sigh he leans back slightly and waits.

"But they are mean monsters!" Johanna whispers harshly. "And you know that I am right!" At Leander's disbelieving look, she adds innocently in her normal voice: "What? The rule says: 'Don't say aloud.'." She looks entirely too pleased with herself, so he just tiredly says:

"Bug? If they know, how you think, or even who you really are in here..." He lightly drums with his fingers over her heart. "...they would hurt you. Never forget that. Don't say what you think. Hide, who you are, while you are trying to be true to yourself."

He caresses lightly her cheek then continues earnestly, never breaking their eye contact.

"Think of it as wearing masks, as if you were playing. You and I we both know – our whole family does for that matter – just how strong you are in here." Again, he lightly touches Johanna on her chest over her heart. "But the whole world sees just a small young girl. You are so much more than that, you just have to hide it. And you just have to keep quiet about your dislikes. Do you understand this, bug?"

Johanna looks at Leander for a long moment then she nods hesitantly. Leander decides to tell her this many times more. Right now however he sees on her face that the anger slowly gives away to fear.

"Mirijam is so nice. Why her?"

He can't answer her, so he just stares at the little girl until she begins to awkwardly shuffle.

"Lean?"

"Yes, bug?"

"I am afraid." She whispers. Almost as if she were afraid even of this feeling itself too. Almost as if she were ashamed that she could feel fear, nevertheless she voices her feelings. And this is one of the reasons why Leander knows that his little sister is brave.

"Me too, little one, me too." The boy answers as Johanna hugs him tightly.

"Jo? What do you do when you are afraid or upset?" He knows very well her ways, but he wants to hear it from her.

"I go to my tree and hid in it. But that won't help Mirijam, nor William."

"True, but you would do it for yourself. Would you feel better if you hid now?" He thinks he knows his little sister well enough to predict her answer. But he can't help himself, he eagerly waits for her answer.

The six year old takes her time to think everything through then she blurts out:

"No. I wouldn't! I am too angry!"

He smiles fondly at her. Sometimes his little hot-headed and mischievous sister is entirely too predictable.

"Do you know what you can do with anger?"

She just looks at Leander wordlessly, now she is too confused.

"You can use your anger to make you stronger. You are already one of the strongest persons I know in your heart, but you can use your anger to make your body too stronger."

She seems to ponder about something then she whispers:

"Mirijam is nice, not strong."

"No, bug. You are wrong. There are different types of strength. Hers is a quiet one. Her strength is the way she is able to love, the way she touches people around her." He sees that Johanna is a bit lost, but she concentrates intently, she wants to understand him, she sees that this is important.

"Think of her as she walks into a room, and begins to talk with people. How is she then? How do the others react?"

"She is nice. She can talk to anyone, and people are more ready to smile if she is around. William is like that too."

"Yes, this is one of the reasons, why they fit so perfectly."

"So... Their niceness is their strength?" She looks up questioningly at her brother. He smiles fondly at her.

"Something like that bug. Something like that." But her next words surprise him.

"Niceness is needed so others can survive and some people can give this. That's quiet strength. But if you want to survive in a... in a bad place you need... _loud strength_, because maybe there isn't anyone else apart from you, who could help you."

A child's view on humanity and on a repressing society is always beyond imaginable, as Leander is learning this right now. He simply embraces Johanna. He is so proud of his baby sister. In this moment he vows once again that he is going to do anything in his power to make sure that she could live a long, full of love and hopefully peaceful life to the fullest way imaginable in Panem.

"I love you Hanna." He quietly murmurs.

"I love you too Lean!" She beams up at him.

"Your strength is a loud one." He lightly touches his forefinger to her nose. "And that's why I am going to teach you everything I know about the art of wielding an axe."

The little girl gasps, her naturally wide brown eyes going even wider in her excitement she swallows too hastily, so she has to cough before she can rasp out an awestruck:

"Really?"

"Yes. In fact..." Leander gets up, taking Johanna's small hand in his and going into the house. "... today we are going to begin with the smallest..."

"The hatchet!" Johanna excitedly interrupts. Leander just chuckles as he picks up the tool from behind the door.

"That's right bug. Now come along, we are going to search for the perfect place in the forest."

His sister already scampers off, excitedly talking about something so fast that Leander catches almost every fifth word. However the fascinated sounds mixed with 'trees, axes and hatches' thrown in them gives him a fairly good idea, what his sister is going on about.

He calmly walks through the forest, never losing the small brunette from his sight, all the while thinking over what exactly he has to do.

In District 7 from the earliest age on children are thought to respect and cherish the forest around them. The trees are not only their only mean to trade with the Capitol, thus their only way to ensure their continued existence, they are home too. Every child in District 7 grows up roaming the forests in the immediate neighbourhood, so the trees become early on associated with happiness and an admittedly false but nevertheless a sense of safety.  
The forest takes a special place in the culture of District 7, it even influences one's role in the society. Since the most robustly built women and men will work as lumberjacks –the most respectable work in District 7, the less tall, or less muscular people will work either as transporters or work on the wood itself in either of the two factories, producing either furniture or paper. The most talented ones work in a small manufacture, producing craved furniture or everyday objects. And everyone with excellent performance in school is going to work on regenerating and tending to the forest. This of course doesn't imply that there is anyone who couldn't wield an axe or crave wood in District 7. The only difference is in the level of skills one does it, and when exactly one begins to learn.

As Leander looks at his little sister, he can't help but think about her possible future in District 7's society.  
Since Johanna has always been a curious, too outspoken, always-looking-for-new-adventures-new-things-to-explore, generally an overly active child, this coupled with her mischievous nature, well Leander has no doubts that she is going to have her fair share of disciplinary problems in school, despite her intelligence. This will decide early on that she won't be allowed to work in the tending, planning department. Since Johanna is extremely reluctant to follow orders, and her infamous impatience knows practically no borders, she most likely won't get a job in the manufacture either. Thus Leander sees only two options for his little sister, either a lumberjack or working in one of the factories. However given the fact that she is too small for her age, she is going to most likely end up with the latter option.

And if he could come to this conclusion, everyone around them, not just their family would do the same. This also means that no one will bother to teach Johanna, how to properly use an axe at least three more years long. And even then she is going to learn just the necessities. Of course Leander has a feeling that his little sister would fight tooth and nail to learn as much about using an axe as she could, but this might take years. And this in Leander's opinion simply won't do.  
Even if she is never going to get reaped, his sister is simply too independent, too stubborn, too brave and way too outspoken, she is going to end up rather sooner in some kind of conflict, and then she is going to have to fight. Her naturally intimidating and fierce personality is just going to improve with a wicked skill to wield an axe, or so Leander thinks.  
No one ever is going to pick on his little sister.  
No one ever is going to think that she is not going to come back home if somehow all holy forest spirits forbid she gets reaped one day. He will do everything to protect her, even teaching her how to take care of herself, because there might be a time, when he can't be by her side.

Yes, she can already crave quite well, and as a result she is sufficient enough with a knife, but there is always room for improvement, not to mention there are hatchers and axes to use too.  
Yes, even as a six year old she can survive alone in the forest, she knows the plants, the trees, she knows how to move quietly, and how to climb trees, she could always hide, if she needed to. But right now, in Leander's opinion she has to learn how to use her "loud strength", as Johanna herself put it. Right now she has to learn how to fight, how to be a warrior if she needs to be, and how to conceal this side of hers, so she doesn't draw unwanted attention to herself.

He steels his resolve. Yes, he is going to do everything to keep her alive, capable and hopefully happy, because that's what big brothers do. That's what William had done for him.  
He looks around and contently nods.

"Bug! Come here! We are going to begin by this fir."

As she turns around and runs towards him, he notices that there isn't any smile, nor any enthusiasm left on her face.  
Rather her brows are furrowed her lips pressed in a hard line. Her features convey nothing but sheer determination.

#

When Mirijam dies, it's the fourth day of the 60th Hunger Games.  
The unforgiving sun is glaring down at District 7. Only the trees could offer some shelter, if there where anyone left, who could care about this in the general state of semi-unconsciousness caused by the violent death of yet two more of their children.

Johanna spends almost all day in the hollow of her favourite fir.  
She doesn't care about how much insects or bugs crawl over her, she doesn't care about how sticky she gets from resin. In her powerless anger she can't do anything else but hit her tree with her open palms repeatedly.  
Hours later she sneaks back to her awfully quite house, grabs the smallest hatchet, and begins to practice outside, the thudding sounds slowly eating away her anger. She drops the tool as soon as her first of many teardrops to falls.

The day of the reaping was the last day that Johanna Mason has seen her older brother, William smile.  
At the end his quite strength wasn't enough against the Capitol.


End file.
